Kill me pls

it's weird to have someone who has mutual feeling as you.

everything seems so perfect and i'm starting to worry.

i am a man with anxiety.

i know trust is the most important ingredient in relationship.

I trust her, and she trusts me.

But there is one room in my heart

storing all the deepest and darkest fear of mine

locked and chained.

i'm not ready to disclose that

i'm sure one day i will

i don't know anything

but i'm sure i love her.

and be truthful to her is the least i can do

i love her too much

that i'm afraid that my darkness engulfs her

maybe i'm just being self righteous

maybe i'm underestimating the power of love

i'm just not entirely secured yet

i'm not willing to experiment it without gathering enough data

she's too perfect

and i'm a man of anxiety.

:)

September is a surprise month

2016

Is a bad year for me.

January, car was overheated
February, car battery was stolen lol
April, best friend left us to US
May, phone died
June, insomnia n stressed out for a month because of charity performance
July, car was hit by and run


Almost thought things couldn't get shittier.

But hey.

September, I'm in a relationship.
❤

Am I in love? I don't know

就好久没写博文了

度过了Second year,真的很好奇俺是怎样混过去的。
不，成绩俺没问题
不，朋友圈还好，不多要求，不要求多。

目标。

当天台湾回来的老朋友问了俺：“你难道没有梦想吗？毕业后要工作，要进修？”

俺是个很寡断，很拖泥带水的人，唉
啥事都参一脚，拿东一些，拿西一些
结果搞得自己都不是自己了

三年前的俺说要退出的，不再管的，现在半个身体还在泥潭里
浑水
甩不掉的旧历史

补习中心的老板说明年不想继续营业了
旧学院朋友一一的出国
也一一的毕业回国了

俺上课上了大半辈子
过后要干嘛
当然有打算
继续读，做研究，创下自己的历史。

但要干上一番伟业
需要脑子想法还创意
俺的想法可多，想做的东西太多太多
一路以来累积的知识
俺都很想很想往各个领域挑战
留下痕迹

但要干上一番伟业
还需要金钱

“梦想是需要金钱来建筑的”

俺真的
有很多很多想要研究，探讨的事
如果将来能够以研究来为生
那就更好不过了
Degree 后读个PhD
然后在大学任教
俺真的
很想以教学为生

但是不知道为什么
这些话俺都不知道怎么开口
因为
梦想

俺很乱

很对不起

Fuck dreams

去你的梦想