Saudade
a longing, emptiness, depressed feeling after something was finally done.
Finished your high school?
Finished your military service?
Finished a big project?
After getting your degree?
Individual tends to hang onto that little bit of feeling and finds it hard to get over it, why? It was sweet, bitter, and remarkable. Those events might play an important part in one's personality development and sense of value.
Why do we miss the past so much?
After some sort of huge event, people find it hard to move on.
They clinged to it.
They talked about it.
They wanted everyone to miss that too.
They emotionally related to it so much.
Why?
Because reality is harsh.

Everyone moved on.
Your next tasks are stressing you out, causes you to regress.
You climbed so high in previous project and you don't want to back to square one for new things.
Fame
Glory
Ego
Pride.
And memories.

Just like Olympics athletes finished their matches which they have been practiced for years
Just like an old folk sitting on the park bench whilst sharing his world war experiences.
Just like a normal teenager who finished a TV series.
Just like a group of students finished their performance for their graduation prom night.

Saudade. I used to not knowing how to describe it.

Memories are good, but you can't be the only one memorizes it.

无条件

美难免总有些缺憾 
若果不甘心去问
问到最尾叫内心 也长出裂痕
笑何妨与你又重温
仍然我说我庆幸 
你永远胜过别人

期待美没完爱没完 
放开不必打算的打算
作一些可以约定的约定 
就抱紧以后每一天
其实你定然都发现 
我有很多未达完美事情
我只懂得 再努力每天

当潮流爱新鲜 
当旁人爱标签
幸得伴着你我 
是窝心的自然
当闲言再尖酸 
给他妒忌多点
因世上的至爱 是不计较条件 
谁又可清楚看见

老师你的梦想是什么？

我便随便编个故事敷衍了事

不是因为想隐瞒什么

是真的回答不出

因为把自己的梦想说出来

说得多澎湃

说得多姿多彩

在别人耳里只不过是个梦想

因为他人与自己遭遇不同

背景不同

认识的世界观不一样

懂的道理有偏差

为了所谓的梦想

花了多少光阴

流过多少血泪

在别人眼里相似无病呻吟，多此一举

内心的挣扎，矛盾

别人对自己的误会只能一笑而过

因为不能怪人家，他们也有梦想，

而他们的梦想在你耳里也可能是个微不足道的东西。

价值观不同

受过父母的安装，教育的洗礼，金银的宠爱，与上帝的催眠，

每个生命个体都有不同的观点，经验，对某件事情的看法。

笑一笑

带过一切

有些事情说了会产生误会，就笑一笑，别把它说出来

有些事情别人永远都不会了解，就笑一笑，反正说了你也不明白

有些事情你抓破头皮都想不同，就笑一笑，换个观点看待。

有些事情对他人理所当然坦然阔达，对自己而言难过登天奄奄一息

鞋子穿久了自然会舒服

孩子当久了自然会难相处

我说的

----被社会抛弃的一晚*

no matter how harsh was your day there's always someone who can light up your world.

trying so hard to make myself happy again.

I had a goal for this semester break --- feel happy for at least a week.

I tried going out.
I tried drawing the shit out of me.
I tried working.
I tried gaming the fuck out.
I tried binge watching Stephen Chow.
I tried reading journals.

But then I'm still can't escape from the night attacks.
The insomniac thoughts. Like now.
Everything seems to be pointless
Why am I even trying?
Happy is not my word.
I stopped everything I was trying to do.
Nothing motivates me.
Nothing seems colorful.
I picked up my pen and I forgot how to draw.
I picked up my brush and I forgot how to paint.
I picked up my book and I forgot how to read.
I picked up my phone and I forgot how to talk.
I picked up my marker and I forgot how to teach.
I picked up my car keys and I forgot how to drive.
I picked up my phone and I found nobody to talk to.

You should talk more
Tell others
You can't expect people know what's on your mind, right?
No, I can't.
I couldn't.
Smiling, laughing like an idiot
Avoiding awkward questions
Avoiding personal questions

I can't.
I kept secrets.
Always end up with,
I'm fine.

我无法像个水龙头
能随时打开将一切苦水说出来
能随时关上一声不吭
我没有那一种技能

身边虽然很多人对自己很关心
但对不起，我无法坦诚
我办不到对一个人说出心里话
自己心中有多不满
满溢出来的悲伤，愤怒，失望，开心
表达不出来
人与人之间的互动，对我而言比隔海还难。

“你怎么午餐吃的那么快？Break还有十分钟耶”
“就吃个饭嘛”
“你跟他们去食堂只吃饭？没聊天吗？”
“就吃饭”
“蛤”

“下课有去哪儿吗？”
“没有啊”
“得空吗”
“得空”
“诶 那你干嘛赶着回家啊”
“就回家啊”
“蛤？”

我
很难说实话
很难开口
很难受
很难

不正常心理学

如何判断，如何能够说一个人，或者一种行为为不正常。根据DSM-V，会依据4D's 来判断。

何为4D?

Dysfunctional
此行为已对患者本身的生活作息造成困扰，生活上，工作，学业，家庭，社会方面都受到停滞性的影响。患者已被此行为霸占了一天内大部分的时间与精力，造成患者无法有建设性的活跃。

Distress
次行为已对患者造成了负面压力，精神受到了负面影响。压力可能来自患者本身给予自己，比方说对于自己的无能产生了愧疚，无奈，以及挫败感；也可能来自身边的人事物，比方说人们的排挤，失望，鄙视，与嘲笑 ，造成患者无法从压力中逃脱。

Danger
次行为已对患者，或身边的人造成了伤害(精神上或物质上)。自残，禁食，不眠，滥毒，甚至自杀等等是自我伤害的方式。

Deviance
次行为在社会的角度视为不寻常，以及极少甚至接近没有任何人有过这样的行为。需注意文化差别与社会观，因为不同的习俗，文化，与环境会有不同的意见。

当某一个行为符合四个，四个，全部四个条件，才被归类为-不正常，需要及早治疗。

爱上一个人是很不正常啊。
应该说，爱的方式很不正常啊。




终于考完了。